I’ve shared this quote about humility with various individuals and groups who invariably respond with laughter:
The really tough thing about humility is that you can’t brag about it. Gene Brown
The author apparently intended the quote to be funny. Most of all, it sheds light on the issue of whether a person can claim to be humble without creating doubts about whether it is actually true!
Clearly, it is generally best to have someone else say that we practice humility. For example, at several memorial services, attendees often praise the deceased person for his or her humility. In a job reference, an employer or co-worker will sometimes list humility among an employee’s positive traits. Yet, putting it on your resume may not be the best way to impress potential employers!
In contrast, at the opposite end of the spectrum is arrogance. A previous post, “Projecting Self-Confidence,” reported that psychologists tend to agree that arrogant individuals often have LOW self-esteem.
My personal belief is that many people who are humble probably have HIGH self-esteem. In fact, the literature indirectly supports this theory through these behavioral guidelines:
- Being self-confident is acceptable. However, it’s not acceptable to spend a lot of time bragging about what you have done.
- Giving credit to a team that has accomplished its goals is advisable. Promoting your own contributions isn’t advisable. Instead, let other team members describe how much you contributed to the outcome.
- Using humor to reveal some of your imperfections is healthy! People who are humble don’t take themselves too seriously. Learn to poke fun at yourself – like the comedians do!
Questions on Humility for Reflection
- Can someone be “too humble?” Does humility have any downside?
- Do you think that people can learn to be more humble? How might that happen?
Comments
Please share your thoughts in the comments section below. I learn as much from you as you do from me.
Dennis what do you think about comedians like Robin Williams who we would think have high self esteem but really have low self-esteem issues and are using comedy to compensate?
Tim, Robin William’s situation was apparently very complex. He definitely went through some highs and lows in adulthood and needed to go through rehab for substance abuse. On the other hand, he was extremely intelligent and was both a great comedian and a great actor.
Robin’s widow just published a long piece in a Neurology journal about the disease that caused him to take his life. It is called Lewy body Disease and is apparently one of nastiest forms of dementia. This disease also causes Parkinson’s symptoms, and really attacks the part of the brain that generates anxiety and fear. This article about Robin’s final days was only posted on the web in the last week or so. It’s very well-written and quite an eye-opener.
Going back to your question, as a general rule, I do think that accurately assessing someone’s true self-esteem (comedian or otherwise) is “above my pay grade.”
Dennis – You posed two interesting questions:
(1) Can someone be “too humble?” Does humility have any downside?
Yes, I think a person can be too humble. For example, I’ve seen people not acknowledge the praise that is bestowed on them or outright deny it. That can be discouraging to the person who truly wants to pass on a compliment or encouragement. A person who is appropriately humble graciously acknowledges a compliment, but also makes sure to give credit where credit is due.
(2) Do you think that people can learn to be more humble? How might that happen?
Yes, I do! For some people, it’s not within their natural personality to be humble! However, we know that 60% of personality is shaped by genetics and 40% by environment. If a person is willing to increase their awareness of when they are not appropriately humble, they can learn to modify their thoughts and behaviors.
Camille – Thanks for your responses to the questions in this article. In addition to what you said about the effects of being too humble (or modest), I know people who withhold ideas that could benefit a team. Often, someone will share their thoughts with me AFTER a meeting. Frequently, these thoughts would have “added value” to the discussion in the meeting, yet they undervalued their own ideas and elected not to share them with the team or group!
On your second comment (about learning to be more humble), sometimes it helps to audio or video tape a meeting or conversation that includes someone who is dominating conversations and acting like “the smartest person in the room.” Then, play the tape back for the individual. If they are capable of insight, they can learn to moderate how much they talk about themselves or how much of the total airtime they take in conversations or meetings!
You’re exactly right, Dennis! I’ve seen coaches/consultants use the recording strategy very effectively with their clients. A supervisor could also use the same strategy with his or her direct report.